Pretensions...

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Now here is a paradox I am writing this blog to figure out whether I write blog just for the sake of writing or do they really mean something. Well if I do write them just for sake purpose then how should I qualify the blog I am writing right now? This is amusing. And I think I cannot solve this. In fact this is not the only confusion I am reeling in I have loads of them. The other most prominent one I can think of is “Pretension”. Sometimes I get this feeling that all my feelings are nothing but me just pretending. No matter what I think or do I feel that I am pretending. So does that make this feeling also a pretension? There you go another paradox. Sometimes it becomes so confusing that I just failed to differentiate between my true and false thoughts. I know you guys must be thinking what kind of person he is? At least one knows when he is pretending and when he is not. But believe me I do get tangled up a lot in this. It’s just me and my thoughts. But where is actual me or this me only.

There was a time when I knew answers to few of the questions that were raised. But today when I think about the same questions I feel that I don’t have the answers anymore. Questions like who I am, what I want to do with my life, what are my ambitions etc. In fact I have no idea why but somehow I feel that I don’t have answers to any of the questions. It just doesn’t matter how significant or insignificant the question is but I have no answers for them. Frankly speaking I don’t even want to look for answers. I am bored of the questions and bored of the answers.

To hell with everyone I just don’t care what people think about me. I just wanna live the life the way I want to. Keep your judgments, point of views to yourself. I don’t need them and I don’t even care about them. If you don’t like certain attributes of mine than that is your headache, either you deal with it or fuck the hell out of here. Just stop lecturing me. I am making the choices for me and taking the complete accountability and responsibility of their outcomes. I am in no mood to ask or beg anyone to stay with me and please don’t expect me to make the moves all the time. If you also need me, you will have to show that. And I am sorry I cannot read between the lines. My brain isn’t that smart. I would request you guys to be open and straight forward with me. Don’t want me around just tell me. I am not afraid of the pain but lie you bet I am. So, come to me if you truly want to be with me because I know I may not be the best but I am certainly not the worst.

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